Taking a cue from Susie, I think I'm actually going to try figure out whether I am a fashion victim apart from being a fashion fraud (which I can happily admit to- most days, I'm a mess). So, here goes the survey:
1) You refer to Italy as "Milan" and France as "Paris" and are genuinely taken aback when someone suggests visiting other cities in that country.
To be absolutely honest, my Italian soft spot (not that I've ever been to it) is reserved for Rome. It may have something to do with a certain Ms Hepburn playing a runaway princess in it..
2) You buy a newspaper and turn first to the fashion section. Double points if during the shows yuou buy the Herald Tribune, read Suzy's review and then chuck the rest of the paper away.
Actually, it's the comics. And then the food reviews (if there are any). Given the abysmal quality of most fashion reportage here, I'd be more likely to chuck those pages for my own peace of mind. And I don't get the IHT.
3) When someone asks you, "What's new?" the only thing you can think of is "Well, I managed to swag those limited edition jeans in the Kate Moss range for Topshop."
Going by the looks of it, nothing in the Kate Moss for Topshop range would fit me. And I'm really no fashion barometer, so if someone in real life were to ask me this, the answer would most likely be a very sheepish expression accompanying a shrug (the shoulder movement, not an item of clothing).
4) You go to the shows and are genuinely upset if the Japanese don't take your photo outside.
I've been to one fashion show in my life (it was a charity event), and cameras and me do not mix well so I'd be more upset if someone did take my picture and (as is always the case) I end up looking stupid for half the world or whatever bits of it read the publication in question, to see.
5) The Japanese all know your name and you are not a nobody.
If I had it my way, no one who reads this space would know my name. And I am a blogverse nobody, which is a comfortable sort of nobody to be.
6) It has never occurred to you to buy a magazine that wasn't primarily about fashion.
Do Mojo, Q and The Economist count? The rest just come to the college library.
7) You are reading Vogue and are suffused with vindication, gratification and smugness when the magazine says that green dresses are in and you are wearing, yes, a green dress.
Green is my favourite colour, so if that means there'll be more of it in the shops, whooppee!
8) You notice a male Fashion Editor wearing leg warmers over his black Superfines and you don't fall off her seat and laugh as hard that you break your coccyx.
I've never seen a male fashion editor in person. Or a female fashion editor, for that matter.
9) You would never buy a fake, even if it was the very spit of the original, because you would "just know".
Chances are I wouldn't know what it was a copy of. So "just knowing" is kind of ruled out, isn't it?
10) The only time you go to museum exhibitions is if a designer has taken homage from one and you think you should hone up on it, or a designer is holding a party at one.
The last museum I considered visiting was the Supreme Court museum in Delhi, which I am very sure no fashion designer has ever taken inspiration from, or tried to use as a party venue.
11) Ditto movies. And plays. And reading a book.
My best friend is an actress, so going to plays was unavoidable. And I know this is a fashion blog, but to be absolutely truthful, books are my first true love. If someone offered me a choice between a first edition copy of one of my favourite reads and an item of apparel- no matter how beautiful or hard-to-get- the book would win, every time.
12) You make the effort to "work a look" - possible Balenciaga sci-fi, say - to your (non-fashion) best mate's 36th down the pub.
If the mood hit me, I probably would.
13) You know the names of all the major Fashion Editors and they don't know yours.
Not quite. And as for Part II of the question, N/A.
14) The best party you ever attended in your life was a fashion party.
It was a farewell party earlier this year for my seniors from college, whom I am very fond of. It ended in my shoes getting completely destroyed, a mild bit of scandal involving indecorous behaviour, and a huger bit of scandal when the hosts found some of the caterers trying to steal people's handbags and phones, but I don't think any fashion party will ever be able to match it for fun levels.
15) You're in a shop and all the shop assistants know your name, size, life story and guess (correctly) what you're going to buy.
If it's a bookshop, it's entirely possible. Just leave off the size and life story bit.
16) You're in a shop. Again.
Nothing wrong with that, really.
17) You're in a shop and you find yourself trying on a dress that you realise only after it's actually on that you've tried it before.
I'm not really that fond of clothing shops, so this isn't likely.
18) You're in a shop and you're trying on a dress that you remember (accurately) exactly where it was in the show running, which model was wearing it, how it was accessoried and who did the styling.
I strongly doubt that I'd be anywhere near a shop that sold a dress that ws that recognisable (that has more to do with being a broke student than fashion snobbishness).
19) You're in a shop and you're trying on a dress that does, OK, look a little weird but, you reason to yourself you would wear it during the shows and the Japanese would TOTALLY go for it.
I'm not built like any Japanese girl I've ever seen so that logic just wouldn't wash, and since I'm a blogger nobody, the going to shows bit is somewhat...irrelevant.
20) When someone says "shopping" you automatically assume they're referring to clothes.
Given that I live on a college campus where all my domestic needs are taken care of (ergo, no groceries etc needing to be bought), shopping does tend to mean clothes. I'm not sure what we call the bookbuying process, it seems to be a little above the term 'shopping'.
21) Only clothes shopping counts as financial expenditure. Everything else - home repairs, travel, drugs - is just unavoidable essentials.
Unavoidable essentials that still suck off most of my allowance, really.
22) The only way you can think of to kill time is to go shopping.
I'm shameless about bookstore browsing.
23) The majority of the songs on your iPod are ones you heard at the last round of shows/at BoomBloodyBox / at a designer's studio / in your fashion week driver's car / at a fashion party / at a gay club with the gagys (and you're not, you know, gay) / on a freebie CD given away with a fashion magazine.
I've never been to any of the abovementioned locations, and my iPod is dead, and not that badly missed after the first two months. The contents of my laptop, however, do include 2 CDs' worth of freebie songs given away with Mojo and Q, which are music magazines. Otherwise I'm fairly loyal to circa-1995 Britpop.
24) You notice that a particular model is absent from the shows this season and you're genuinely concerned that something might have happened to her.
I don't really notice, to be honest.
25) You actually think about the models, and, during the shows, kind of think that they think about you too.
No, and why on earth would a model be thinking about a blogger nobody...
26) Fashion over comfort, every time, even if that time is at Glastonbury / in hospital / on a plane / in your flat, alone. You derive a sense of smugness from knowing what this season's it drink is and insistently sticking to it, even on a (non-fashion) girl's night out.
I agree with Susie on this one...can't comfy look nice? And there are It drinks? *raises eyebrows*
27) You know more gay men than straight ones.
28) You are genuinely miffed not to be on the same flight or train as the rest of the "important people" en route to or back from New York, Milan or Paris.
N/A, but if I ever went to any of the cities in question I'd be quite kicked to be on any plane or train at all (especially the latter)- I love travelling.
29) You know exactly what day of the month each of the, you know, important fashion magazines come out.
Some of them, anyway.
30) You write down in your notebook your seat assignment from each show and you borrow clothes from the designers accordingly.
31) You actually care about bloody seat assignments.
32) You read the press releases before the shows.
I'll read the back of a shampoo bottle if I'm desperate enough....press releases have got to be more fun than that, right?
33) You read any press releases.
34) It's your birthday and the majority of your guests are fashion PRs, journalists and/or students, and you are none of the above.
Every birthday since #19 has been followed by an exam, so really...N/A. If anything, my guests are would-be lawyers.
35) You could, in your sleep, give the first and last name of the PR of ever designer on the schedule.
36), You could, in your sleep, recite the schedule for every fashion week in every fashion city, and you are properly ruffled when the fashion councils deign to change them.
Oh, ok, rub it in.