Fringe Lunacy

I have a bad habit of finding people in newspaper articles really funny, especially when the articles are about the less-serious human-interest side of things. But I'm not sure what reaction to have to this six-month-old New York Times piece on the fashion blogosphere's favourite hairstyle (well, going by the number who've put up pictures of themselves) fringes, or bangs as they're called in the US- it's half 'LOL' and half 'WTF?!" (much as I detest using text-message acronyms, these two are a perfect fit here).

Sample 1 (please note, these are taken entirely out of context and I wouldn't put it past the reporter to have intentionally made this and the rest of the article sound absurd) what a woman without a fringe thinks of a woman with a fringe:
“To me, they scream: ‘I’m cooler than you, I have a lot of sex, and if you leave your husband with me I’ll devour him,’ ” said Meredith Hays, a literary agent in Manhattan with an unbanged brow. But Ms. Hays said she quickly becomes more rational: “It’s maybe more a cry for help, like ‘I’m getting older and so I’ll give myself a youngish haircut to compensate.’ ”
I say: Seriously. I know hair's important and rationality kicks in after those thoughts, but making judgments like that...isn't it something you're supposed to have got over by the age of thirty-six? It's on par with assuming blondes are dumb. If I met someone with that attitude, sheer perversity would make me want to piss them off even more (in addition to what the hair did). And yeah, anyone who doesn't spend that much time obsessing over what their hair looks like, is probably cooler than you.

Sample 2: on the maintenance of fringes.

Mr. Berg suggests that his clients use a little bit of baby powder or a Bumble and bumble spray-on hair powder at the roots. To avoid frizz, use spray-on wax, he tells his clients, but “always applied onto the fingers first.” For general maintenance, he suggests using a light hairspray applied to a flat rubber-cushion boar-bristle brush (he favors Mason Pearson’s).
I say: Get over it already. No wonder people act neurotic over fringes, if they think they take this much maintenance- swallowing any old rubbish anyone working in the hair industry tells you will probably do that. Take it from a frizzy-haired person living in a subtropical country- you don't need more than shampoo, conditioner and a small comb/brush (I don't carry those around with me), and a pair of sharp scissors when they get overgrown.

Sample 3: on the grass being greener from the other side of a curtain of hair.

Scratch anyone with perfectly styled bangs, and you’ll likely find a woman who occasionally lifts up the curtain of hair and gazes back at someone with a less cluttered bathroom sink, a more relaxed morning routine and a nighttime outfit that doesn’t involve a headband to stave off eyebrow-acne.

I say: Refer to my views on sample 2. I've had a fringe for the last seven years now (with the exception of a one-year period, aged nineteen, when I grew them out and only a few wisps remained in front), and never suffered from forehead/eyebrow/any kind of acne. Which is more likely to be caused by having ten tonnes of styling product in your hair, than by the fringe itself .

picture of Jane Birkin on the cover of Vogue, from ebay.